I'm in the wrong profession

For a long time, people have told me that. A few years now, actually.

“Mubeenah-Tayyibah, that’s not what you’re meant to do. You could do so much more. Medicine is very practical and hands-on; you need something that will challenge your mind. You could be great…”

Blah, blah, blah.

And people keep saying that to me. It goes beyond my admittedly limited scope of understanding. These are people who supposedly care; why would they second guess my judgment?

I’ll tell you why. They see something so much more in me than just a doctor. Though I could not fathom how anyone can be more than that. For, when done for the right reasons, it is a fairly noble profession…

But no. According to the world, I should be a writer. And essay after essay, story after story, blog after blog, I prove them right. Over and over again, I make their case for them. So much so that I was even told to drop out of med school and blog professionally. [Uhm. Nafees Gierdien]

But what they fail to understand is that through all the hard work, late nights and intense studying, this is what I love. This is what I was born to do. Medicine has become my life. And I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything else. Except maybe joining the Air Force. As doctor =P

I find no reason why I should give up one thing I love to pursue another. It makes no sense. Why can’t I study medicine, become the doctor I always wanted to, and be a writer? I’m doing it right now, aren’t I? And I fully intend to keep doing it.

It’s like I always like to say; if something feels right, the chances that it probably is. But if you have even the slightest inkling of a doubt or bad thought about it, it’s probably wrong. And I can honestly tell you that this is oh so very right.

So in the iconic words of Bon Jovi’s Have a nice day, “If there’s one thing I hang on to, that gets me through the night, I ain’t gonna do what I don’t want to. I’m gonna live my life; shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, standing on a ledge and showin’ the wind how to fly. So when the world gets in my face, I say ‘have a nice day’.”

26 July 2013

"Raindrops keep fallin' on ma head"

Winter in the Mother City. It rains a lot.

It was on one such cold and wet morning that I was staring out the window. Freezing cold, hugging myself to keep warm [although the A/C was turned up], I shifted my focus. From what was outside the window, to the window itself. And found myself becoming rather philosophical.

I watched in silent awe as the droplets fell against the glass. You never really take note of it, but then one day you wake up and notice the little things. I found myself likening the water droplets to people. Or rather, to the way life works.

Following one droplet on its path, I observed the following:

It hit the glass window near the top. It then slowly started on its downward journey. It was tough at first, having to go it alone, but then it would flow into the path left by another. And things would go much faster. Not much longer and the droplet deviated from the adoptive path, and proceeded with cutting its own once again. Now and then, it crashed into another droplet. Sometimes, this would speed Drop up, other times, the two would part ways just as quickly as they’d found each other. Eventually, though, little Drop made it all the way to the bottom of the window. And I could clearly discern the trail he’d left behind…

Now try relating that the humans:

We are born. Slowly, but surely, we stumble through life. The beginning is rough, and I’ll bet we feel like we’re going it alone; that no one else understands. And then we discover someone, a role model, and we try to be like them, and things are suddenly much easier. But we continue to progress and we find ourselves outgrowing said role model. Then we begin meeting new people. Some of them have a huge impact, and really help us in ways we can’t even express, while others are only around temporarily and play a less significant role than we’d imagined they would. Eventually, we make it to death’s door. And we need to live in such a way that we leave a trail blazing after us, that people miss us when we’re gone.

There are only two certainties in life: uncertainty and death. So live today, and live well. We can’t get by without the people in our lives- treat them with goodness and justness. Always. Because “it is in the shelter of others that we live”. Be good to those around you, especially to those who were good to you.

20 July 2013

The Happy Dance

That holiday felt helluva long. I know, I know; next year this time I’ll be begging for a holiday… It was about two weeks in that our results were finally published. And let me tell you, if I wasn’t being kept so busy with my cousin’s wedding and all, the wait would have been excruciating.

See, you rock up at Uni, particularly at med school, with one thing on your mind. I gotta maintain my kick-ass rep. Academically speaking, of course. And then they deliver the bad news. You’ll never be that student again. *cue dramatic music*

See, your 80-90 % at high school level translates to about a 60% at medical school. You start thinking that, well, it’s not so hard- they’re just over-exaggerating.

*Walks out of exam room. Wants to die.* They weren’t kidding. I’m going to fail.

You realize that it’s actually super hard to get good marks if you’re still buried in your high school mindset of studying 24 hours before the time. So when the results are finally released, and you somehow wangled a pass, you end up doing what I like to call the happy dance. Because you’re just so relieved that you made it.

So we were left to enjoy our exceptionally long holiday in relative peace.

And then second semester rolled around. Pathology, pharmacology and an introduction to clinical medicine. I feel like a proper medical student now, not having to so many unnecessary, un-doctorish things. [Yes, I just maked that word up.J] I’m nearly a week in and I’m struggling to get stuck into Path. It’s bad, I know. I’m supposed to study every day, but I keep finding other things to do with my time. Like writing this blog. [Lol!J] I should actually be studying viro right now…

But it’s late. And my bed and I are really good friends. He’s going to miss me if I don’t get going soon… J

So peace out, keep on keeping on, and do that happy dance!

17 July 2013

Ramadaan 1434

At first I thought it was just me, that I was the problem. But then… well, things changed.

This year is different. And I’m not entirely sure how to describe it. In the days leading up to Ramadaan, I didn’t feel… the vibe wasn’t there. I don’t know how many of you who will read this will understand, but those of you who do will know what I mean. That pre-Ramadaan vibe, that spirit… I just wasn’t feeling it.

All along, I thought it was just me. I reckoned I was the only one who felt this way. But, like I said, I wasn’t. Without knowing what I was thinking, my cousin mentioned in to his mother. She laughed and told him he’s like an old man. Then there’s me, not able to get over how right he was in saying what he did.

The first taraweegh salaah came and went, yet it still did not feel like Ramadaan. That’s when I realized that something must definitely be wrong; that although we both felt the same way, there was something else at play here.

So I got to thinking, the way I usually do [my mind can’t sit still, if that makes any sense at all…], and I think I might have figured out what was missing. The people.

After 5 weeks on holiday, classes have started up again… and it’s finally starting to feel like Ramadaan. J

But all that’s just semantics isn’t it? It’s just me being finicky…

Thing is, fasting has health benefits. By abstaining from food, we allow our bodies the opportunity to regenerate. Everything will start working better. But that only holds true if you don’t stuff your face with junk every night; everything in moderation, as they say. Yeah, so lay off the many samoosas and daaltjies, ‘kay? J

The true nitty-gritty of Ramadaan is about perfecting oneself. And no, we’ll never get there. Once again, it all comes down to trying your best, to be the best. It’s not concerned so much with the superficial trappings of this world, but rather with one’s soul. It’s about the beautifying and cleansing of the soul in a way that can only be achieved through the abstinence from all our vices AND by proper and sincere repentance for our sins. [For we have many, myself included.] And in doing so, we strive to strengthen our relationship with Allah, subhana wa ta’ala.

So I’ll end by asking,

“How is your heart with Allah today?” – Sheikh Ninoway

15 July 2013

OhLah =)

I started a new post yesterday... but not only is it taking longer than anticipated, I think it may turn into a full-on story... O.o Spare me, I don't have much time as it is...
Oh my lord... How am I going to manage 3 stories at once?

Hang in there, guys. I'll update when I have time. For now, read all my stuff:

www.wattpad.com/user/MustangChick03
Thaaanx <3

The Darkness

Recently, something happened to me that, I suppose, served as a reminder of who I am.

University was supposed to be it for me; my shot, my fresh start, my clean slate. It was supposed to be an opportunity for me to finally become the person I always wanted to be, the person I’ve tried so hard to be. See, I am acutely aware of my flaws [I really don’t need anyone pointing them out to me], but the difference is; I try. I am trying, and I have been for years. Reformation is a process; I know that better than you may think. Yes, it’s taken me years to get where I am. [And for some reason I just said that out loud, to myself, in an unmistakably British accent. I think Nu will be happy about that, am I not right? J]

After the aforementioned incident, I found my thoughts spiraling into a decidedly darker place. I realized that, perhaps, I’d changed too much. Too soon, at least. This dark place though… it was oddly familiar, it tasted of home. It had been nearly 6 months, and I’d finally come back home.

I know what you’re thinking. Believe me I do; I thought the same thing as I wrote that line: The dark is not a good place to be. Never go back there. But maybe you don’t understand. Maybe you’re lucky enough to not know what it’s like. So I’ll tell you. It is a source of great, untapped power. The reason it’s so damned hard to get it out is the sheer addictiveness of that power. I’m freaking Superman! Hell yeah, I could take the world if I wanted to. So, come at me bro! It’s never that easy though, is it? Power corrupts even the purest of hearts.

But I… I stayed there. It took me days to claw my way out again. My chest felt heavy with pain, with the grief over the part of me I had lost. How much anger can one person hold, before it starts eating at your soul? How many people have to try and ruin you, before it actually works?

People suck. No doubt. And no offense intended; you all know at least one person that makes that statement valid. I just have the poor luck of knowing many. Then again, maybe you do too. Maybe you know exactly what I’m talking about. Maybe you’re the one person that understands. And that’s why I wrote this. I needed to get it out, and if I can help someone else then so much the better.

I see now that I was going about it all the wrong way. I wanted to be better, so I made myself better. I covered up the hole, vaulted the room, bolted the door, did everything I could to hide the darkness. And then I buried it. Deep, deep down. Where, I thought, no one- not even I- could find it. I was wrong. It always comes back to haunt you. You can’t escape who you are.

“The only way out is through.” – Bobby Singer, Supernatural S7E10

2 July 2013

Who?

Exactly two weeks ago to the day, my cousin signed The Contract. 16 June 2013; Youth Day, Father’s Day and the day Muhammad Badee’ married Fatimah.

I hate weddings.

Okay, so maybe hate is a strong word. It’s more like I really dislike weddings. I suppose it’s because weddings are boring and I can’t sit still for very long. I’m like a little child in that regard. Theirs was really nice though. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m finally growing up [I shudder at the thought], or if it was just because it was him… on second thoughts, maybe I was just too tired to really give a damn.

For the entire week before the wedding, we we’re at his place helping out. I don’t mind, I really don’t, but that doesn’t make you less tired. It was late nights, early mornings and lots of coffee for most of us. It was hard work, literally. It was difficult and it was labour intensive. [Oh yeah, that’s the geographer in me coming out.] And all that got me thinking…

Who, if not your family?

In all honesty, who, if not your family, would all this for you? The pay sucks [well, if food doesn’t count then it’s non-existent] and, on top of that, they have to put up with you. They have to put up with you and all your nonsense, your bad taste and your mood swings. Who else would do it and expect nothing in return? The answer, I find, is a resounding ‘No one’.

Now you’re going to tell me your close friends would do it for you. In response to that I ask, “Are they not family?” Because truly they must be. Especially if they’re willing to put up with you. J

Yeah, weddings suck. And you never really realize how much until it happens in your family. But its society’s fault isn’t it? They put so much pressure on you to conform to what they deem to be the norm. Really, it shouldn’t matter how you celebrate it. All that really counts is that you do right by the person you claim to love.

“You don’t just marry the man, you marry the entire family.” Greeeaaat… I’ve got lots to look forward to. >.<

Either way, congratulations, cousin, and I wish you the both very best. J

30 June 2013

Hail, Cape Town!

The most extraordinary thing happened today. It was just incredible to see. For the first time that I can remember it almost snowed in Cape Town. Yes, almost. I know, I know; I sound like Megamind:

“He would win some; I would almost win others…” [It’s a great movie!J]

It’s true though.

The streets were covered in the most mind-blowing blanket of white. And would have been the perfect snowy day… apart from two things…

One; it was hail, not snow. Bummer!

And two; I had to study for my chemistry exam. Double bummer!

So while the entire neighbourhood ran around outside and got good and crazy-wet, I was holed up inside. I was traipsing around the house, fully clothed, with my gown on… procrastinating. I wanted to sit at the window and watch. Snow in Cape Town? Come on, that’s every climatologist’s dream. I reckon the only that could have made it better would be thunder and lightning.

After a good few minutes of idly staring at the marble-sized hail stone in my palm, I dove under the blanket, fully intent on studying. By the time nightfall came, my brain was swimming with chemical formulae and the like. And sleep was not its usual respite. Nooo, because that would be too much to ask. Instead, I ended up dreaming about the stuff too. >.< Climatologist’s dream? Not tonight, it’s not. I was in full-on chemist mode.

So in the epic words of my brother, “Hail, Cape Town! … Geddit?” J

3 June 2013

Practically speaking...

The last two practicals were craniology and the respiratory system.

Craniology, I must admit, was pretty cool [and no, the temperature in the lab had nothing to do with it]. I’m not sure how they preserve it, but those skulls are rock hard… ish. I mean, if you were to drop it [and I’m not saying I did], it would probably break. The sutures were incredible though. You have this idea of what it looks like in your head [pun intendedJ], but to see the real thing in front of you… Man, the way the tiny pieces knit together… It looks as though the skull was always one large bone, and then someone cut through it; it all fits that perfectly together. And if you, in your perverse manner, pulled on the two parts had enough, it would move apart. I’m being totally seriously right now… although you’d have to apply a great amount of pressure.

Our specimen had a hole in his skull- one that is NOT supposed to be there. So I, being slightly off balance as I am, did the following:

“That looks like” [whips off glasses and pauses for dramatic effect] “Blunt force trauma to the skull. Yeeeaaah! [Cue the CSI Miami theme song]”.

And then my group burst of laughing. Because, apparently, I’m funny.

So we messed with people’s heads for a bit, and it was actually a lot more fun than you would think, but it wasn’t… you know; ‘wow’.

Then our very last anatomy practical rolled around. That was kind of sad. No, not the practical, just that it was the last one. The respiratory system was pretty awesome too. It’s like the heart; sure, bones are fun and all, but nothing beats an actual human organ.

Each group was given a pair of lungs, a left and a right of course. For me, it was kind of like take what you know about it, and toss it out the window. See, the way we perceive the lungs to sit in the human thorax is actually incorrect. Yes, the way the show it in pictures is not proper. That is in actual fact the side view of the lungs i.e. the thinner ends face outward. It’s confusing, I know, but try it like this:

Hold your hands out in front of you, palms facing outward. That’s the way we’re used to seeing it. Now, turn your hands so that your palms face each other. That is exactly how the lungs sit in your thorax. Peculiar, isn’t it?

Even more strange than that though it what the lungs feel like. It’s rather difficult to describe, and I made several people gag when I explained it like this; “It feels kind of like… say, if you had a plastic packet and filled it with mousse and then poked at it… well that’s what it feels like to poke a lung. A healthy one anyway.”

I was so careful with this practical, obviously because you’re never quite sure what to expect. Even so, I got lung juices on myself. Yeah. Gross. It’s my own fault, I suppose. I did poke the thing after all. Okay so maybe I’m exaggerating just a tad bit. It wasn’t exactly lung juices… it was more like the formaldehyde the organs are preserved in, but still. It’s helluva repulsive to get sprayed with the stuff. And I really was sprayed. I poke it, and the liquid shot out like a fountain. Again, people laughed.

I rather think they quite think I’m a joke. I mean honestly, even one of my lecturers shook her head at me, “This girl…” and laughed as she walked away. Ah, but it’s all in good humour.

That’s another lesson right there: if you can’t laugh and take a load off now and then, in this field, you’ll go crazy.

22 May 2013

Cardiology

The cardiovascular practical was something else. Truly it was. I mean, how often do you get to hold someone’s heart in your hands? I know that people often say things like “You hold the key to my heart” or “I gave you my heart” or something. And they might mean it. But I’m talking literal here. I held someone’s heart in my hands, and I don’t know who it belonged to, but I think… maybe… I liked it?

There’s a peculiar sense of power that goes with donning that white coat. I’m not sure why; we’re not anything special and we’re not saving any lives. But it’s true. I held that heart in my hands and knew undoubtedly that I was doing the right thing.

Okaaay, deep thoughts aside, I quite enjoyed cardio. No, not exercise. [To quote Fat Amy: “No, don’t put me down for cardio.”]

So here lies a heart on the black tray before me. A near-perfect human specimen… apart from the fact that it’s lifeless I suppose. It’s not the healthy reddish pink you’d expect to see, but rather a deep purplish colour. Dead, preserved tissue; it was a rather odd experience to touch it. And poke it. And stick my gloved hands through the blood vessels. Yeah, yeah, I’m sick, I know. J

“You may NOT take any pictures, guys. I repeat; julle mag NIE foto’s neem NIE.” Gee, thanks for just crushing our dreams right there. This was the most exciting, properly doctor-ish thing that has happened to us thus far- and we can’t even document it. So kind of you…

Interesting though, was that the inner side of the outer muscle wall [confused yet? Yeah, me too, I think] looks like a cat scratched at it. Seriously, it looked torn to shreds. But apparently, that’s normal… Anyway, it was cool to stick my finger through a random opening and see where it pops out- wicked awesome. That also made it a bit easier to figure what was going on.

That’s one of the most important things in anatomy, I’ve learnt: correct orientation. If you don’t properly orientate yourself, you’ll confuse everything- especially yourself.

20 May 2013 

Oh No!

Hey there =)

I'm so behind with my posts, and I really must apologize for that. The blogs are all written, I just haven't had the time to upload them. Once again, my apologies for the wait. I'll try and be more frequent with my posts.

Peace,
Mubie03 <3