That awkward moment

That awkward moment. That phrase has been somewhat bastardized in recent months. It doesn’t mean what it once used to. Awkward, uncomfortable, difficult...

That awkward moment when you walk into a room full of people who just received bad news, and you were totally oblivious to it because you had your earphones in.

The reasons don’t matter. The situation doesn’t matter. All that matters in that moment is you and your obliviousness, and how awful you feel about it.

The difference is that the moment I walked in I stopped dead in my tracks. I immediately realized that something was not only amiss, but that something was wrong, that there was a negative undercurrent permeating the room. I looked at each person. Their faces were expressionless, and yet their eyes and body language spoke volumes.

And in the 3 seconds it took me to realize this, I still failed to understand what had happened. Until my beloved brother found a reason to walk by me. He whispered two words as he passed, and everything made sense. I dropped into a chair nearby. The sinking feeling felt could only be elicited by one thing.

The similarity of the situation struck me with almost alarming clarity. That table cloth, covering that table, filled with food... That time of day... The very same drink in my glass... A would-be happy occasion turned somber by the news of what had transpired...

As I swirled my drink around in my glass, I came to the same realization I did before. We live and we die. Life is helluva short. There just isn’t time to be an ‘Assbutt’ [Thank you, Castiel =)] about things, about anything. Because one day you'll blink and find that it's all over.

3 August 2013